I have opted to remain anonymous to protect my identity from the embarrassment. Yesterday evening, I felt hungry and decided to make some ramen. I extracted the various packets from the bowl, included the seasoning and dried vegetables, then put the bowl in the microwave. After about a sixty seconds or two, I understood something was wrong. A horrible burning smell had permeated my kitchen. I opened the door to my microwave and…low and behold…I had neglected to include water. There was some smoke coming from the bowl. Not wanting to throw away the ramen, I went to the sink and added water, which engulfed the room with acrid smoke for several seconds. I then put the bowl once more in the microwave and cooked it for two more minutes before attempting to eat it. Well…It went okay for a little while, until I encountered a globule of blackened noodles which had become some sort of strange crystalline substance unknown to humanity. I had a change of mind.