I have opted to stay anonymous to shield my identity from the ridicule. Last night, I became hungry and decided to make some ramen. I extracted the various packets from the bowl, added the spice mix and dried vegetables, then put the bowl in the microwave. After about a sixty seconds or two, I noticed something was wrong. A horrible burning smell had saturated my kitchen. I swung open the door to my microwave and…behold…I had neglected to put in water. There was some smoke emanating from the bowl. Not wanting to waste the ramen, I went to the sink and added water, which filled the room with acrid smoke for several seconds. I then placed the bowl back in the microwave and cooked it for two more minutes before attempting to eat it. Well…It went okay for a little while, until I discovered a globule of blackened noodles which had become some sort of bizarre crystalline substance never before seen. I had a change of heart.